Living life to the fullest with chronic illness

Chronic illness has been a part of my life since I was 9 years old. You could say it even controlled my life for many of the years leading up to now. Autoimmune Encephalitis caused symptoms that looked like turrets, migraines, hallucinations, mental disorders, OCD, severe anxiety, constant physical pain, seizures, and much more. I know what it’s like to wake up every morning not knowing how you are going to make it through the day. I spent many times just pushing myself to make it through the next moment, minute, or hour, because that was all I could see in my future. Some days I feel powerful, and proud of the obstacles I have overcome and continue to face, and other days I feel so defeated and tired, wanting the pain to just come to an end. In these moments, I show myself grace and shower myself in the love that it needs.

Showing up authentically and fully in social situations quite possibly is the hardest part for me. I am naturally a very social person and thrive off of connections with others. I think when dealing with an illness, the most difficult part is not dealing with the pain, or the annoying rituals you have to do in order to stay alive, but having the people around you not understand and even losing friendships and relationships over the fact that you are simply trying to survive and can’t give them the energy they require. When I was in high school, I got to the point of being so sick I had to withdraw from school and become home-schooled. Those were the most isolating and loneliest times of my life. I remember sitting in my childhood room just wishing and praying that there was one person in the world I could talk to that could understand. That is when I made a promise to myself, that if I couldn’t find it I would be that person for at least one other person who felt the same way. This fueled me to keep going and push harder in the times where I felt like I couldn't. So if you are reading this thank you. Thank you for pushing me on my hardest days and for being a part of the reason I am here today to share my story. My hope for this page is to be a voice, advocate, and a companion for someone going through the same or similar struggles. Here is where I will share my story and my continuing struggles dealing with chronic illness, because it is in fact an on going battle. However, it is a battle I know we can get through together.